wet dream.

golden.

i'm going to be 29 on the 29th. it's weird that my 20s are almost over because i still feel like a kid. a kid who plays house and dress up.

or maybe i'm tricking all of of you into thinking i'm older than i really am.

or maybe i'm being tricked by my parents...

wish list

una mas.

2:04 and 4:02...

hmmm???

why do i feel like that might mean something???

que???

In an early version of the tale of Pinocchio, friendly woodpeckers chiseled his nose back to its original size after it had grown enormous from his incorrigible lying. From a metaphorical perspective, Capricorn, a comparable development may soon occur in your own life. A benevolent (if somewhat rough) intervention akin to the woodpeckers' assistance will shrink an overgrown, top-heavy part of your attitude, allowing you to proceed to the next chapter of your story with streamlined grace.

remember when...

i didn't sleep for 2 months?
i would drink two 40s before going out?
i was super tan?
we were friends?
we were just friends???

class of 1999

i'm missing my 10 yr high school reunion today. i really thought that i was gonna be able to go... well, perhaps i'll make the next one. november 2019. uhg.

bahaha!!!

when i grow up. (part II)

i want my own cupcake yummy place. i would buy milk in glass containers. i wouldn't work there, just eat and drink for free.

i just gave my first flat tire.

so it just occurred to me a few hours ago, but when i think of jim morrison, the same emotions/thoughts/feelings come over me as to when i think of ex-boyfriends.

disgusted and embarrassed.

is that weird?

p.s. i know how to spell weird, cause my mommy was called weird or rather wendy weirdo and for some reason that, "weird" stuck with me (maiden name was weir) so i learned. she was also called dumbo, but i just think that's absolutely adorable. i want a baby dumbo.

...and you are.

1985

i plugged my tiny ass tv in last night and watched a bunch of movies (vhs). i have one that my mom taped on tv from 1985. it has sooo many good movies on it, like lambert the sheepish lion, mickey and the beanstalk, and dumbo, and others too. haha with all commercials included. i fuckin love it. ses makes fun of me, but i think it's rad. after watching it, i realize how many quotes erin and i say from those commercials 25 years ago.

can't stop won't stop.

good night!!!! almost. hmmm, or maybe never.

i have to pee. eeeee eeeee. some people are too intense. sorry if i ever was (seriously). BUT i'm very thankful that i have 5 years back history with you all.

zoe tomorrow morning. brazillian on saturday. food 4life.

p.s. i am a snoopy and i am sorry. but now you know...

oh man.

i know it has been awhile. i still have stupid stuff to say, but you see my laptop was stolen (from my house)- fucked up. in my pillow case... and he did fucked up shit. looked and touched my underwear. my (crotchless) panties- haha panties, not haha... sick... they were on my bed- i didn't put then there. uhg- i hate it. i hate him. that's why i learned to touch guns, i suppose. but yeah, that's why it has been sooo long since i have said/wrote anything. hopefully around the new year i will buy myself a new laptop.

still not working. still happy. really want to go to my ten year reunion in november... hmmm, going to my parents tomorrow with ses. gonna eat and do laundry and cuddle my babies.

i think it's been the weekend since march 11.

tonight...

was fun. saw a lot of people that i wanted to see and only one person that i didn't really care to see. i really want a margarita. been wanting one for three days now. hmmm....

i want too much. i smoke too many cigarettes. i need too much money. and not for my wants, but for my gay-ass needs. but my needs were wants at one time or another, so i guess i fucked myself. but i feel that in a few months shit will be good. i'm happy now, just sayin, but shits also fucked up. i can't help but compare this year to 1999. which was a fucked up year, from new years eve to my birthday. so far, this year too. will 2019 suck ass? oh i hope not, and i'm not gonna worry. but regardless, i suppose the difference is i'm happy right now. and happy is pretty rad. it's all i want. right? it's what you want, eh? and food. i fuckin love it. oh and love. i love love. ha, and coming...

so is it a good year then??? am i just being an asshole??? no. i get it...

i feel like i've been talking a lot about heartbreak, and it's not in the way that you think. i'm in love with mister, so hard. it's in a way that i've never experienced before (heartbreak), not in a romantic way. this hurts more than any boy ever has hurt me.

kittens hurt more than fists. the end.

what i mean.

i shot guns today for my first time ever and it was pretty rad. i played with a shot gun that left bruises (love em) on my shoulder/chest, a 22, and a 357. i hit a soda can, first shot, with the 22. supposedly i hit other stuff too but i don't know. it was fun and i want it.

fuck you.

oh and i don't kill bugs... or spiders. and cockroaches make me cry and i never leave my bed. ever.

she broke my heart... nevermind.

AND for all you people not from connecticut- i'm gonna tell you what a lobster roll is (ima dork- see previous blog. if you care). fucking amazing. i'm not super into lobster. i mean i'll eat it duh. i eat everything. everything. (except lima beans) okay so it's pulled (?) hot lobster tail drenched in butter and lemon on a hot dog bun. fucking amazing. duh. oh and i only learned that it's a ct thing once i moved here- summer forever, summer camp, etc. they make em in maine and mass but it's cold, mixed with mayo, and celery and shit. sick...

eat food everyday. you won't get it, but on the radio when they played "smoke weed everyday" they changed it to the above. perhaps ya had to be there. but you were 11. oh well. maybe just kidding.

random and long. that made me think of lena. i miss her. and then that makes me think of grandma downstairs. i miss her too.

heart breaks. but i am happy. still want a gun and still in love.

just another man named monday.

okay so it was "just another manic monday" but what do you want??? i was 5. what did i know about the work/school week. shit was fun. crisis was a made up word. i have a story but i won't share cause it's stupid, but i laughed at that word.

anyways, the first concert i went to was in 1986. yup, i saw the bangles at lake compounce. thought it was compound??? i was in heaven. they were rad. i stood on my chair and screamed and danced and sang every song. my sister, who was three at the time, told me the other day, that that was the first time she looked at me and thought i was annoying. haha, i love it.

homesick.

okay not really. but i am homesick for food. all i want is:

a hotdog from walter's in mamaroneck

lobster roll from bbq (rip) or outriggers

linguini with white clam sauce from vazzy's

a hamburger from merritt canteen

sausage, egg, and cheese on a HARD ROLL from any diner

pizza from giove's

pad thai from thai taste

good chinese food from ANYWHERE

ice cream from ashley's

chicken sandwich from duchess

and i really just wanna eat at any of the new (not so new) places in new haven

uhm... but until then i'm just gonna live on pbr w/lime, saladitos, sonoran hotdogs, and taco shop.

happy birthday tucson!!!

happy underpass opening! happy birfffday tucson!

fucked 5 times in da underpass. different spots and at the end i was hanging on to the fuckin chains. amazing.

it was a fabulous night. i LOVE ramy baby and lil sushi and reminiscing.

good night babes.

cuddle bunny.

answer the phone, fuck recordings. your website sucks ass. fuck des, i just want money honey. but cute things make me happy and right now i'm kinda obsessed with bunnies.

this is more for me than for you.

unless you are a capricorn too...

I wouldn't be surprised if your whole life passed instantly before your eyes one day soon. Not because you'll come close to literal physical death or anything dangerous at all, but rather because you will have a brush with a magic power that could be yours in the future -- a magic power that will be possible for you to fully own only if you cut the umbilicus that links you to a dying source. Wow. Did I really say that in a fun little astrology column? And are you really prepared to change your life because of something you read in a fun little astrology column? I hope so. In the coming weeks, it'll be the fun little things that have the greatest potential to align you more closely with your soul's code.

truths.

blue is my favorite flavor

i’ve been smoking since i was 13

in the past 14 yrs i have only been single for 1 yr and 9 months

blowpops melted in the microwave are fuckin delicious

3 is the magic number, and therefore my favorite number

i cry a lot

"like" and "fucking" have been in my vocabulary since i was 11

i got my license when i was 18

i miss my maternal grandma with all my heart

i saw elves till i was 3, haha what???

i don’t want to die, ever

i’ll eat anything and everything except lima beans

this must be the place by the talking heads makes me want to get married

when i grow up.

i wanna live in a big city but if i don't...

i want a farm.

but i want tiny everything. pygmy goats, tiny horses, lil piggies, and whatever else comes in teeny tiny sizes. and fuck yeah i'm gonna grow stuff. lil corn, cherry tomatoes etc. i just want little everything. except dogs. i want big ass dogs to protect my littles.

sowy...

one time a friend of mine told me i should watch the notebook. she said that she couldn’t imagine anyone not crying unless they were a cold heartless bitch.

i didn’t cry. i thought it was way gayyy.

romeo and juliet is not the greatest love story of all time. love stories make me want to vomit. it’s not that i don’t believe in love, because i do (duh). i think i hate all that crap because i feel like it’s just so fake and contrived. if you are longing for something that is so obviously bullshit then it’s really just because you’re an idiot. (no offense)

shit doesn't need to be dramatic and/or tragic.

however, i am in love with true romance. i can watch that movie over and over. i just finished watching it, and all i can think is, why can't i be like her??? she's so fucking badass. and she dresses exactly how i pictured myself dressing as a grown up when i was little. yeah so i suppose that would be my idea of whatever it is that i'm talking about. or not. maybe it's just alabama.

no matter, i'm enjoying my love story...

(awwww or eww)

babylove.

i want one for each finger.

do or die.

Make sure that no one except you will be able to tear asunder what you join together in the coming days. Tie knots that will never slip. Build bridges that can't be burned. Send emails that cement new alliances and plug yourself into networks that are crackling with high-energy connections. Stock up on nails, safety pins, staples, tape, and glue. Be sticky, Capricorn! Just one caution: Do not marry your fortunes to anyone unless they're willing to be your devoted, synergistic warrior as much as you are their devoted, synergistic warrior.

x2.

cute.

too bad i suck at painting my nails because i really want these adorable and really pretty nail polishes. also they do kinda remind me of milk...

the website has a lot of super cute products that i want, and you might remember a few years back magazines were hyping up there fat balm for lips.

anyways. enjoy.

http://www.eyeko.com/product_info.php?products_id=50

Josh and Kyle = Amazing

5815_105398520705_512465705_2602430_7502025_n.jpg

This is love <3

oh shit.

everyone's at my casa and i dig it.

BUT...

i hate zombies. and electric shit. fire is scary. hmmmm, not exactly sure what that means. but i get it. i miss my kiddies. but i adore having a (boyfriend). just take claritan darlin.

i have a good imagination. it's kinda weird but again, i hope not. my mom's not impressed. seriously.

i got kicked outta school with ONE semester left. i got laid off yesterday. i'm almost 29. but i, wait, there are 9 guys surrounding me...

my family is amazing. i love you. i love you. i love ramses. "i got wire cutters too."

just speak spanish to me.

byyyyeeeee.

mmmilk.

entertainment...

life is freakin hilarious.

today should be super shitty, but it's not. actually from 4.30pm on, it's been really lovely. i feel sooooo loved and supported by friends and family and my lover. yessss i have a new beau. hahahaha and i love it!!!!!!

here's to new beginnings and magic and me.

all me. and YOU.

from now on.

i break beds, not hearts...

run run run.

all I ever wanted, all I ever needed.

i feel an escape about to happen and it’s either me or them. but i really just want us all to stay in the kitten commune and adopt a puppy.

Hahahahahaha!!!! Ahhhh….

"I should start cutting my cocaine with Plan B." -Random girl at a party, on killing one bird with two stones.

Or fucking two stones with a bird. Or having an abortion while you’re at work. Or sleeping on your lunch break.

Going out last night reminded me of ninth grade. Bossy loves are hard but I’m louder. So I think this time will be easier on me and them???

Shits been crazy for everyone recently and erin and natalie told me why. Apparently there have been two eclipses this month. One in the beginning and the second just occurred. Hmmm. Also they told me to check out my monthly horoscope on some website. Yup. Pretty much dead on. I mean I don’t normally follow it, but I read em just so I can read about myself. I usually disagree or make it fit me. But no kitten, it was(seemed) so freakin accurate- with dates and everything. Less me, more we. Interesting. Fucking crazy… but I still create and manifest and make shit happen.

But it’s good to know that I still have magic inside my bones somewhere. Thank goodness.

Plans for the summertime even though it’s just about august: Go horseback riding. Get vomity tan. Only wear rompers OR dress like a sailor, cowboy, or candy. Be a lady. Eat cotton candy ice cream from dairy queen OR write to haagen daz and tell them to make it. Stop blacking out. (ahhh just kidding mom)

Someone brought in fresh basil and thyme to work so I took a bag and am gonna make spaghetti for my babies.

~Wifey for lifey.

summer fun.

here it is fun

for the deepest craving of man is not to suffer but do as he pleases

that is our golden secret

gin and whisky, girls for the asking

we'll have a seven day week, every day a day of leisure

and the raging typhoon will never bother us here.

no one shall suffer from the blues,

they'll smoke and dream of all the promises of nightfall

beary sleepy.

it would probably be easier for me to sleep like a normal person if this was my bedroom...

yes sir.

i’m pretty sure the sweetest thing a boyfriend has ever said to me was, “i’d rather fight with you then love someone else.” too bad it was true but he was a pedophile.

do it.

i’ve got the next 3 days off and i am so excited.

here's what i'm thinking...

turn change into mones.

thrifting with ashley.

field trip to my parents’ house.

tanning both fake and real.

eat eat eat eat eat.

return shoes to j.crew.

spa day with ashley and neighbor nicole.

baby roadtrip to agua caliente cus i don’t believe.

go to the zoo.

raw (ouch).

i’m gonna go out for sushi tonight.

i miss lil sushi though.

and i miss eating sushi with you.

what the fuck?

why is this hard?

duh.

sing into my mouth.

the less we say about it the better
make it up as we go along
feet on the ground
head in the sky
it's ok i know nothing's wrong. . . nothing

honesty game.

i'm in love.

ice cream.

i just wanna find someone who will never be embarrassed by me. who doesn’t look at me in a way where they are telling me to stop. who doesn’t feel overshadowed or intimidated. who won’t tell me to stop talking. i just wanna find someone who can keep up. i think i need to marry a rapper.

high society.

i sometimes feel like when i talk people look at me and think- jeez that girl is retarded. and not necessarily about what i’m talking about (gargling cum with AIDs) but rather how i’m saying it. i fuck words up, i have a hard time with pronunciation. i use the wrong word, and not just like continually vs continuously, but like “let’s go spaghetti” = “let’s go eat.” i apparently stutter now too.

despite this i still talk a lot. and now i’m starting a blog…