tonight...

was fun. saw a lot of people that i wanted to see and only one person that i didn't really care to see. i really want a margarita. been wanting one for three days now. hmmm....

i want too much. i smoke too many cigarettes. i need too much money. and not for my wants, but for my gay-ass needs. but my needs were wants at one time or another, so i guess i fucked myself. but i feel that in a few months shit will be good. i'm happy now, just sayin, but shits also fucked up. i can't help but compare this year to 1999. which was a fucked up year, from new years eve to my birthday. so far, this year too. will 2019 suck ass? oh i hope not, and i'm not gonna worry. but regardless, i suppose the difference is i'm happy right now. and happy is pretty rad. it's all i want. right? it's what you want, eh? and food. i fuckin love it. oh and love. i love love. ha, and coming...

so is it a good year then??? am i just being an asshole??? no. i get it...

i feel like i've been talking a lot about heartbreak, and it's not in the way that you think. i'm in love with mister, so hard. it's in a way that i've never experienced before (heartbreak), not in a romantic way. this hurts more than any boy ever has hurt me.

kittens hurt more than fists. the end.

what i mean.

i shot guns today for my first time ever and it was pretty rad. i played with a shot gun that left bruises (love em) on my shoulder/chest, a 22, and a 357. i hit a soda can, first shot, with the 22. supposedly i hit other stuff too but i don't know. it was fun and i want it.

fuck you.

oh and i don't kill bugs... or spiders. and cockroaches make me cry and i never leave my bed. ever.

she broke my heart... nevermind.

AND for all you people not from connecticut- i'm gonna tell you what a lobster roll is (ima dork- see previous blog. if you care). fucking amazing. i'm not super into lobster. i mean i'll eat it duh. i eat everything. everything. (except lima beans) okay so it's pulled (?) hot lobster tail drenched in butter and lemon on a hot dog bun. fucking amazing. duh. oh and i only learned that it's a ct thing once i moved here- summer forever, summer camp, etc. they make em in maine and mass but it's cold, mixed with mayo, and celery and shit. sick...

eat food everyday. you won't get it, but on the radio when they played "smoke weed everyday" they changed it to the above. perhaps ya had to be there. but you were 11. oh well. maybe just kidding.

random and long. that made me think of lena. i miss her. and then that makes me think of grandma downstairs. i miss her too.

heart breaks. but i am happy. still want a gun and still in love.

just another man named monday.

okay so it was "just another manic monday" but what do you want??? i was 5. what did i know about the work/school week. shit was fun. crisis was a made up word. i have a story but i won't share cause it's stupid, but i laughed at that word.

anyways, the first concert i went to was in 1986. yup, i saw the bangles at lake compounce. thought it was compound??? i was in heaven. they were rad. i stood on my chair and screamed and danced and sang every song. my sister, who was three at the time, told me the other day, that that was the first time she looked at me and thought i was annoying. haha, i love it.

homesick.

okay not really. but i am homesick for food. all i want is:

a hotdog from walter's in mamaroneck

lobster roll from bbq (rip) or outriggers

linguini with white clam sauce from vazzy's

a hamburger from merritt canteen

sausage, egg, and cheese on a HARD ROLL from any diner

pizza from giove's

pad thai from thai taste

good chinese food from ANYWHERE

ice cream from ashley's

chicken sandwich from duchess

and i really just wanna eat at any of the new (not so new) places in new haven

uhm... but until then i'm just gonna live on pbr w/lime, saladitos, sonoran hotdogs, and taco shop.